I wonder, I wonder.

Today I realized that this semester has been going for exactly one month.
That's weird.
And then I realized, school gets out for the summer in like two and a half months.
Then I get four beautiful months off.
Oh we are so excited for summer.
There are so many things we are going to do.
It's going to be awesome.
And then, I start my senior year of college.
What the?
Two more semesters and I'm done.
Oh how good that sounds to me.
I can totally do anything for two semesters.
So after I graduate, you may ask, then what?
To which I will say, I have no idea.
Find a job in my field? I don't know.
Make a baby? I don't know.
Bum around our apartment all the time? Sounds good to me.
Kevin will be in school for another year.
Well, his undergrad.
Then we'll be heading to who even knows where for grad school.

Sometimes I get thinking about all of these things, and I start worrying and overthinking.
I wonder about how we can afford to have a baby with Kevin in school and me not working.
I wonder about where we are going to go to grad school, and if we will be far away from family.
And if we are far away from family, how far? And how long? And when will I get to see them again?
I wonder about Kevin's career and where that will take us.
I wonder what his career will even end up being.
I wonder if I should just do grad school right now before we have kids and be done with it.
I wonder what I should even get my masters in.
I wonder if I'll even be able to get into grad school.
I wonder if I wait 15 years and then try to go back to school if I will hate my life.
I wonder what our kids will be like, and if any of them will have any special needs.
I wonder how many kids we will even have.
I wonder how much we should space them out.
I wonder if I will get bored staying at home all the time.
I wonder if I will get overwhelmed staying at home all the time.

Basically, there are a lot of things I really wonder about our futures. I honestly have no idea where we will end up, what we will do. I really can only tell you where we will be for the next year until I graduate. After that, everything is a mystery.

Sometimes when I get all caught up in the wondering about how things will turn out, I try to remember one thing in my life that I know with absolute certainty, one thing that remains constant and that I don't have to worry about ever changing.

I know my husband loves me. I know he will always love me. I know we will be together forever.
And that sure feels good.