My favorite

I recognize that yesterday’s post was kind of whiny and wordy with no pictures at all. How lame of me! So I thought that today I would give a little shout out to my favorite human.

This boy. Oh goodness, this boy. I have a little confession. Up until I met and married Kevin, I had this weird premonition about my marriage. I was partially convinced that I was going to be in a relationship where I would have to give up some of the major elements of who I was, because my husband wouldn’t like the little quirky things that make me, me. I envisioned my future with my husband and pictured a scene with a lazy husband who didn’t want to participate in the things I liked, or who told me that it was my job to do all the dishes, or who was a workaholic. Or I saw someone making fun of me or belittling me for one thing or another.

I have no idea why I thought those things. My parents do NOT have that type of relationship at all, in fact I’ve always looked at their marriage as a great example. I never wanted that type of relationship, and I hoped for otherwise, but that is what I saw when I thought about my future. I actually dated a boy for a while who kind of fit this category. He made me feel very…..small is the best word for it I guess. Small and unimportant. Thankfully that ended (badly, and with a seriously injured hand from punching a dumpster. He really brought out the best in me. Not).

But Kevin. My sweet  Kevin. When I think about Kevin I use the most precious adjectives. He is so kind, so tender and gentle. He’s so hardworking and willing to do whatever needs to be done. When I ask him anything, the answer is yes (within reason). He showers me with love and never withholds it from me. We generally agree on important things. He’s so generous and giving. He never stops telling me how beautiful I am.

Kevin is very happy and friendly. He has the most incredible smile I’ve ever seen. Joy seems to radiate from him. No matter who we are talking to and visiting with, he is so kind and welcoming. He makes people feel important. I love that about him.

I am incredibly blessed. I recognize that. I realize that not all people have a great marriage or wonderful husband. I’m so grateful for the relationship that we have. I’m especially grateful for how Kevin treats me. I really enjoy being someone’s number one priority.

When things get hard, like this weird semester, it really helps to know that I don’t have to go through it along. I have the support of an awesome man who loves me deeply. And I love him so much I can’t hardly stand it sometimes.

Please forgive my excessive mushiness. And please enjoy these incredible pictures that we took in St. George.

Some thoughts about the semester so far

Well, we're about a month into the semester. I'm super surprised by how this semester is going. Let's just say that things have not gone at all like I thought they would. I've had to make some major adjustments and I've learned some things about my ability to function during winter semester. I'm kind of shocked by how different this semester is going than last semester. Even though life is pretty much the same as it was during the fall, I seem to have lost my ability to do a lot of things. For example:

Last semester I was a boss at working out. I had a rocking work-out schedule and I stuck to it with no exceptions.
This semester I have been so lazy, especially since my race. I told myself that it was just because I needed to rest and recover, but it's gone past that. Even when I go to the gym I just do 30 minutes on the elliptical and then leave. And most of the days lately, I just haven't worked out at all. I miss it. I can feel it. I feel yucky.

Last semester I did super well at keeping the apartment clean. Not perfect, but for the most part I felt like everything was in order.
This semester I feel like I cannot keep up with the housework. The laundry is always overflowing, the dishwasher is always packed and dirty, I never ever vacuum because it just feels too hard. Kevin has had to help me keep things clean way more than he should (the boy is taking 18 credits of chemical engineering, he should not be worrying about helping me with chores).

Last semester I stayed so on top of my schoolwork. I (almost) always did my readings and my assignments well ahead of time, and I was super motivated to get homework done before I did anything else.
This semester I keep getting super overwhelmed by what I have to do and to cope with it I just pretend like I don't have to do anything and I watch a movie or read a book instead. Just to be clear, I really don't have that much to do. I do have more going on than I did in the fall, but it's not that much more. For some reason  I just can't bring myself to do it. I haven't been doing any of the readings for my classes (which makes the 200$ I spent on textbooks really redundant!).

Last semester I had so much energy and I felt like I could do anything and everything.
This semester I feel tired all.the.time (and no, I'm not pregnant).

Senoritis? Seasonal Depression? Who knows?

The good news here is that even though the semester has been kind of cruddy so far, it is in my ability to change things. This week has been slightly better because I've made a couple of changes. The biggest thing is that I've changed my work-out time. So far this semester I've tried to do it in the middle of the way when I have time, but that has NOT been working. So from now on, I'll be working out in the mornings (I'm such a morning person). I"m sure this will help things a lot.

Something else I'm going to change is my attitude. Instead of saying "what is my problem?? Last semester I was doing fine, why am I such a failure this semester?" I'll say, "today was really hard, and there are some things that I can just let slide. Tomorrow's a new day and I'm ready to try again."

12 weeks left of this semester. I can do it. I may not do it well, but I will do it and I will pass all of my classes (hopefully).

Date Nights

Kevin and I love spending time with each other, no matter what we do. But we both feel strongly about having a weekly date night to do something special. Unfortunately, our date nights lately have been fairly lame because we try to go to bed super early on Friday nights since we work at the temple early Saturday  morning.
Last Friday our date night started at 3:30pm and we watched Shrek the Musical while eating homemade pretzels. It was really fun, but by 6:00 we were practically ready to go to bed. So we escaped the lure of sleep by driving up to the Y trailhead with our camera in tow. We spent a very cold hour playing with the camera and the self timer.

It was a simple thing, spending an hour outside, just the two of us with a beautiful view beneath us. We almost didn't take the camera, but I'm so glad that we did because I love the pictures that we took. When we got home, it was only 7:00 and we got ready for bed (yes we are that lame), but it was a really great date night.
I think what it comes down to was that we put a little bit of intention into it. Even though it was a simple thing, and it was only an hour, I felt so much closer to Kevin than if we had stayed home and watched more TV or something.
The moral of this blog post is, we took really cute pictures that I wanted to share, and I love my husband.
The end. :)

Family

There is no doubt that I love my family. Spending this past weekend with them got me thinking about how grateful I am for them. And immediately after thinking about my family I got thinking about Kevin's family and how grateful I am for them. We have these two wonderful support systems and I am so grateful for all of them.

Kevin's twin brother got married the day after New Years which was awesome, especially because his whole family came out for the wedding and we got to see them! It was such a blast. I love hanging out with my in-laws for a lot of reasons. Firstly, they didn't know me when I was little and obnoxious, or when I was an awkward pre-teen, they just know me now as a cool, chic, lovely woman (hah!). Secondly, they are really fun to be around. And thirdly, they are family. They have done a wonderful job of accepting me into their family and making me feel loved and welcome.

I was really glad to be able to spend the weekend with my own family in St. George. It seems like every year, my siblings and I become better and better friends. We really enjoy each other now and that is a nice feeling. The relationship with our parents is also different and more fun. I'm glad that I have a friendship with my family. We had such a blast this weekend. I'm especially so grateful for their willingness to accept Kevin into our family. Family is the best!

 In a society where family is being demoralized and taken for granted, I feel incredibly blessed and thankful to have two solid, loving families.

St. George 1/2 Marathon

I feel an obligation to myself to post about the half marathon this past weekend. So I'm going to. 

I tried really hard the week before the race to take it easy so I wouldn't hurt myself more while still being active enough that my knee would be happy. I did a lot of ice/heat combinations, and leg exercises and stretching. Apparently it wasn't enough.

I felt awesome for about 1.75 miles. Then we got to the top of this hill and I was like "Crap. Here comes the knee pain." I hoped it might loosen up, but it didn't. It continuously got worse for the next 11.26 miles. In the past, whenever I have had IT band pain I reach a point where my legs will not work anymore and I have to walk for a half mile or so. I was afraid that this was going to happen. I decided to try and push through for as long as I could. We quickly got into a rhythm of running for .8 of a mile and then walking until the next mile. There were water stations every 2ish miles so we would stretch like crazy every time we got there. 

It hurt so badly. Anytime I lifted my leg off the ground and bent my knee it felt like there was a giant metal hook in my knee yanking it and tearing it. So even though we were running the majority of the time, were running super slow (like 12-13 minute miles). 

My mom was awesome. For the first 6 miles or so I kept apologizing for being so slow, for being such a mess, but she made it clear that she was here to run this with me and nothing else mattered. I really appreciate her support. 

When we hit 8 miles, we stopped and stretched, but when we started again it felt like the knee pain had tripled. This worried me a lot. We decided to walk the next mile and then see how we felt. So we literally walked an entire mile. It was beyond frustrating. Everything else on my body felt incredible and I was aching to just RUN. But I had decided that I was going to have a good attitude about this race even though it was hard. So we had a grand old time just walking away and when we finally hit 9 miles things felt a little better (about as painful as it had been earlier). 

4 miles left. We started running .75 and then walking the last quarter mile. I think we stopped stretching at this point because it was literally doing nothing anymore. Once we hit 10 mom said, "we just have a 5K left!" For some reason that kick started it for me. When we ran I was running a little faster. 

I realized toward the beginning of the race that when I was going uphill, my knee didn't hurt nearly as bad, and then the second it leveled out/started going downhill the pain increased exponentially. So the whole race we were killing those uphills and then as soon as we'd go down I would practically cry. Most of the time we walked downhills. It felt so funny and opposite because normal people walk uphills and let the downhills carry them. 

When we hit mile 11 I wanted to run the whole thing. That's what I said, "I think I can run the last two miles without walking." Not even 5 minutes later I was like "Just kidding!!" because the knee pain got way worse. So we started walking about 11.75 and decided to walk until 12.25. Right when we hit 12.25, my aunts and their friend showed up. They had finished the half something like an hour before us (I know right?) and came to see us to the finish. They helped distract me and I was able to pick up the pace more even though it hurt like heck. I just wanted to be down SO badly. My aunt Frances was coaching me through the whole time. "Okay girl, we're just going to go around this corner and then turn right and it'll be right there. Can you hear the announcer? You're almost done!" 

When we hit mile 13 and went around the corner I spanked my mom and started sprinting (a little too soon). My knee was screaming at me. I think if it could have made sound, we all would have been deaf from the noise. There was hardly anyone left at the finish line to cheer us on because we were way at the back of the pack. I saw my amazing and supportive husband with the camera, taking pictures, then running to get ahead of us again. Then we crossed the mats at 2 hours 57 minutes and I about collapsed. I instantly wanted to just sit down and never move again, but the abrupt stop made my legs start to cramp up. 

Kevin jumped the barrier and grabbed me in his arms. I cried into his neck a little bit. I drank chocolate milk and ate string cheese and fruit leather and forced myself to walk around so I wouldn't cramp. I was done. I had finished. I had pushed through even though it hurt for 2 1/2 hours straight. I felt like I could do anything. 

I'm incredibly bummed that I was injured for this race. I trained really hard all year and I wish my run could have reflected that a little bit more. But in some ways, I'm even more proud of myself for pushing through when I was in so much pain. I didn't know I was capable of that, but now I do. I really can do hard, painful things and that is an empowering thought.

So now the question is, how soon should I run another half marathon and which one should I do? :)

Thanks for reading, if you made it this far, and thanks all, for your love and support. I feel blessed to have it. 

ready or not...

I've kind of been wanting to talk about my half marathon training.
Since my race is tomorrow (!!!!)
There are a lot of words in this post, and most people probably won't care about what I have to say. But I care, because I have been thinking about running a lot over the past year.

Before the 5K, one year ago

Last January we went down to support my mom and brother running this very same race, while we did the 5K. It sparked something in me. I've done two half marathons in my life, both when I was 16, within 4 months of each other. Then I lost the spark. I had a stress fracture, or tendinitis, or something in my foot and I lost the desire to run. 1 year ago, I got it back. And I really started trying.

It was a battle the whole year. I have ITBS, (IT band syndrome) which means that the outside of my knee hurts WAY bad when I run. I've literally spent all year getting it under control. When I started last January, I literally could not even run 1/2 of a mile. I worked SO hard to stay positive, and I ran every day, even when it less than half a mile. I got super good at stretching and foam rolling.

First 5 mile run in years

Things slowly started to improve. I think it took me 4 months before I could finally do a 3 mile run. That was my long run. And I stayed at 3 miles for a couple of months. I hit a wall and could not seem to get past it. Finally one day I said, "I'm running 4 miles." And I did! And then the next week we did 5. I took it super slow. I didn't add mileage every week. I stayed in the 5-6 range for a couple of months, then finally hit 7. I felt this incredible sense of accomplishment. Look at what I was accomplishing! at the beginning of the year, I pretty much couldn't run at all. And now I could consistently do 3 and 4 miles with a 6 or 7 mile long run every week.

Then the IT band started hurting again. I had gotten lazy with stretching because my knee wasn't hurting anymore. Boy do I want to go back in time and slap myself in the face because the past 5 months have been so rough when it comes to running. So I slowed down again, iced like crazy, got into a good stretching and roam rolling routine and just worked through it.

I am SO proud of myself that I didn't give up at this point. Because it would have been really easy to! I had a lot of really hard runs. I texted Kevin a lot of "thumbs down" pictures afterward. But he always encouraged me and helped me work through it. My wonderful husband has been the greatest support system ever.

Finally I got to 8 miles. I started feeling really confident. Then it got really cold, really fast. Running outside was miserable, no matter how much I bundled up. I always carried water until it started freezing. And once my eyelashes froze I knew it was time to run inside.

 I did my 9 mile long run and my 10 mile long run inside at the BYU track. I would run 2 miles on the track and then 1 mile on the treadmill until I was done. Those were hard long runs. I usually would cry in relief when I finished. But I knew I was going to get there.

The weather warmed up a bit and I decided to do my 11 mile long run inside. This was three weeks ago. The weather was perfect for running. I had ZERO IT band pain which was amazing. I felt incredible. I wanted to run forever. For the last three miles I noticed a pain in the back of my knee/top of my calf. I could still run through it so I just kept on running (with IT band pain, you can't run through it no matter how bad you want to. Your body won't let you).

I think I ended up pulling a muscle in my leg that day on my run because for the next two weeks I couldn't run at all. Not even a little bit. It was the most frustrating thing in the world. I would go out, run hardly at all and then walk home, in shame. I cried a lot. I got so frustrated. I decided to take a week off.

The week off saved my strained muscle, but it introduced another problem. Now my IT went crazy. With my IT band, it's so counter intuitive because resting does not help, running consistently does. So this past week has been interesting. I never ran more than 3 miles, and actually I only did that once. Every other day has been the elliptical.

The moral of the story is, I'm running a half marathon tomorrow. And I have no idea how it's going to go. More than likely, I will have to walk a lot of it. More than likely, I will be in a lot of the pain the entire time. But you know what? I am going to FINISH gosh dang it! I have worked so hard all year, and it's time to prove myself. Even if I'm slower than molasses the entire time.

Prayers will be appreciated friends!

beginning of the end

I'm the type of person that requires rituals when I change phases of life.
I need to recognize the "lasts" and the "firsts" and I love to do so.
Sunday I had my last ever back-to-school blessing (unless I end up doing grad school which is not in the plan right now). It's true that I'll always ask Kevin for a husbands blessing when he does back-to-school blessings for our kids, but this was the last one for me as a student.
Yesterday was my last first day of classes.
I chose out my last ever first day of school outfit.
I took my last back-to-school picture.
This will be the last semester of carrying an ugly backpack around for most of my time.
It will be the last semester of changing into my gym clothes in the bathroom in between classes so I can work out.
There will come a time when I write my last papers, and take my last finals.
Oh so many lasts are approaching.
No matter how excited I am to finish something, I always feel a little sad about all the "lasts."
I was SO excited to transfer to BYU and leave BYU-Idaho, but I still cried when I said goodbye.
Even though I really did not love my job making traffic sensors, there was still a sense of loss when I turned in my badge and left for the last time.
I feel the same way now, and I know this feeling will be magnified in four months when graduation day is here.
But I've learned that when something ends, something new immediately begins, and those beginnings are so exciting.
While there are so many lasts in my near future, there are also so many firsts.
First day at a new job,
First time in my life when school isn't the focus,
And so many more.
I'm so excited about the firsts.
And I'm excited about the lasts too.